The Ugly Parts of Deconditioning for Generators and Manifesting Generators
Here at Pure Generators, I spend most of my time talking about the magical, transformative aspects of living as a Generator or Manifesting Generator. The satisfaction, the energy alignment, the joy of following your sacral response—it's all real, and it's all beautiful.
But today, I want to pull back the curtain and talk about something we don't discuss nearly enough: the challenging, messy, and sometimes painful parts of the deconditioning process.
Because here's the truth —it's not all easy. It's not all fun. It's not all rewarding. And it's definitely not the case that suddenly, when you start living this lifestyle, everything magically lines up for you. Actually, a lot of times, especially at the beginning, you can feel like the complete opposite is happening.
If you're on this journey and experiencing some of the harder aspects I'm about to share, I want you to know: you're not alone, and you're not doing anything wrong.
When You Lose the Skills That Helped You Survive
I actually go into this topic in depth here, but one of the most disorienting things that can happen as you begin to decondition is losing the skills you developed to survive in a world that wasn't designed for your authentic self.
These weren't just random skills – they were carefully developed survival mechanisms that helped us navigate capitalism, find acceptance in society, and do the jobs we were tasked to do.
I started noticing this in my first few years of deconditioning. I would look back at my corporate days and think, "How did I ever go to that job I really didn't like and spend my whole day with people, leading meetings, doing all these things that now feel incredibly uncomfortable and unnatural?" The simple fact was: I had learned to survive.
I learned to be more extroverted than I naturally was. I learned to deal with difficult people and challenging personalities every single day. I learned to shut off my energy, to stop absorbing everything around me, so I could just get through the day. I was much better at not paying attention to the truth or not caring so much about it. I cared more about perception than reality, which is completely opposite to who I am now. Truth has become an essential and important foundation of my life.
But these skills served a purpose. They helped me survive in capitalism. They helped me find acceptance. They helped me earn money so I could live my life, feel free, and pursue my passions. There were valid reasons we developed these survival mechanisms. As we decondition, it’s common to lose these skills, and it can feel very disorienting!
When Your Expected Path Falls Away
Another thing that can happen during deconditioning is realizing that the path laid out before you isn't something you actually want to pursue anymore. Suddenly, you realize the whole world is open to you, and there are all these new possibilities.
This can feel positive, but it can also be terrifying.
What you thought you might do with your life, the path you expected to take, may become something completely different. Without being able to project into the future in the same way, you can feel less stable.
When I first discovered Human Design and started tapping into my sacral response, I thought I was at the mercy of this completely unpredictable, strange mechanism that was going to ruin my life. It's not like that at all, but there is less predictability initially. Everything you end up doing will probably make sense in its own way, and you'll begin to trust it. But at first, it can feel scary as that expected path falls away and you're not sure where you're heading.
Questioning Yourself Instead of External Authority
As you reclaim your inner authority, you take decision-making away from external sources—your boss, family, government, spouse, friends. Looking back, I realize how much I relied on my friends as authorities when I was younger, before I knew to tap into my Sacral Authority. I was constantly taking cues from them, asking what I should do in certain situations.
I just don't do that anymore. As you decondition, you're always tapping into what's inside you—your own perception, your own authority.
But here's what can happen: when you can't question all those external authorities anymore, you might start questioning yourself instead. You can't rely on those outside sources for stability (or blame them when things go wrong), so you turn that questioning inward.
This gets better as you progress on the path, but it's definitely part of the process. It can feel really discouraging, especially when you're not seeing the exact results you expected from actions that felt right in the moment.
Relationship Changes and Isolation
This has been one of my biggest wounds on this journey: the relationship changes. I have lost friendships, and it can be harder to go along with the pack, which can be isolating.
When you're making decisions that are very different from the people around you, it can lead to feeling isolated. You may not be making decisions that allow you to go with the majority or flow with what everyone else is doing.
Your threshold for frequency mismatches becomes much smaller, especially if you have a 3rd line in your profile. I can barely deal with any misalignment anymore. If something is bringing misaligned energy into my life consistently, I have to let it go, even if there were benefits to that friendship, even if I really cared about that person or enjoyed that experience.
When I feel that sacral "no," I have to release it. Sometimes that leaves you walking the path alone for a while, or with fewer people around you than before.
Rejection When Showing Up Authentically
As I’ve deconditioned, at points I've noticed more rejection from people around me because I now bring about 99% of my true self into any given situation. Instead of trying to mold myself into what other people want, I’m honest about myself, my likes and dislikes, and my personality.
We'd all like to hope that once we show our true selves to the world, we'll be welcomed with open arms. While we're told this authenticity is rewarded (and it is, because you find the right people and opportunities), it can also lead to short-term rejection. Not everyone is going to like or understand that version of you. Some people might not know what to do with you, might feel repelled, or might be extra attracted to your authenticity – and that intensity can still be repelling to the wrong people.
When the Outer World Doesn't Match Your Inner Alignment
Just because you're deconditioning and making decisions with your Inner Authority doesn't mean you'll necessarily see immediate results in the outer world. You might quit a job expecting to find something else, and it doesn't pan out exactly as expected, even though it was a “yes” from your Inner Authority. You might pursue something you're energized by, only to find yourself ready to transition a few years later.
The reality is that the more you live as your authentic self, the more you might be at odds with the rest of the world, because most people aren't living as their authentic selves yet. Just because you've discovered something real and true for you doesn't mean it will land perfectly in the outside world right away.
We're going through massive changes, and you might be ahead of the curve with certain things that aren't immediately understood. Just because you're not seeing the expected result doesn't mean you made the wrong decision—it might just mean the world hasn't caught up to you yet.
Human Design Doesn’t Promise Us a Smooth Ride
Human Design doesn't promise us anything other than living as our true selves. What does that mean? It's different for everybody. Is it always positive? No. Can it be filled with conflicting feelings, grief, fear, and negativity? Absolutely.
For me, it's been a real mixed bag – a lot of challenges, but also experiences of satisfaction, joy, wonder, and depth that I never thought were possible in my life.
There's grief in this process—grief for relationships lost, for versions of yourself you're leaving behind, for things you've built that you need to release. I never expected there to be so much grief on this journey, but it's part of the territory when you're changing so rapidly, especially in those first seven years.
If you're a Generator or Manifesting Generator going through deconditioning, and any of this resonates with you – if you've had unexpected negative experiences, if your process has been rockier than you expected, know that you're not alone.
This journey isn't about perfection or immediate transformation. It's about gradually, courageously becoming who you really are, even when that path is uncertain, even when it's lonely, even when the world doesn't immediately understand or welcome that version of you.
The challenges are real, but so is the profound satisfaction that comes from living in alignment with your true nature. Trust your sacral response, honor your Inner authority, and remember – you're exactly where you need to be on this journey.
What's your experience been like? Have you faced any of these challenges in your own deconditioning process? I'd love to hear from you in a comment below!
